question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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