kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
