Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
