oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
