I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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