Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
