Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
