Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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