You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm always down for nudity.
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