We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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