Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
