I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
