There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
