Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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