They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
dude. I can hear the air.
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