Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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