when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
