butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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