i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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