I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I want her autograph on my taint
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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