I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize
