Whod you bang
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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