So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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