His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
