Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
