Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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