I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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