Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
