Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Randomize
