WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
