Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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