12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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