I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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