so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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