That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
