I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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