I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
