please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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