Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
