Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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