I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
