You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
