Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
