pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
