I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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