im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
