The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
