I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
