We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
3pm strippers are depressing
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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