My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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