I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
