So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
