I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
